I am enough-2019 reflections and 2020 aspirations

Hey friends! As I sit here to write my 2019 reflections and 2020 aspirations, I feel myself getting emotional. When I look back on 2019, I am so thankful for God’s provision in my life. I had two children go off to college this year and that alone can send a mom into a deep depression. But, as I mourned their leaving, I beamed with pride as they spread their wings to fly. God has given us as parents such a hard job, to love our kids and raise them to be kind and generous, but to also raise them to leave us. WHAT???? How do we do that? Love and then let go? That seems so wrong. But, it is our calling and I only hope and pray that I did a good job and I pleased my heavenly father.

In 2019, I started coaching basketball again after a year hiatus. I absolutely love the girls I am blessed to coach. I see myself as more of a mentor than a coach, honestly. I feel like my calling is to love on these girls and treat them like they are my own children. It has been so fun watching them grow as basketball players but even more-so as young women seeking the Lord’s heart.

Leaving 2019 is going to be so exciting for me however. I am dedicating this year to the Lord and allowing Him to take complete control of my blog and my Instagram. I have spent so much time doing this as I wanted and not really leaving much room for Him to shine and that has to change. I have a ton of goals for my blog and instagram this year but it has to run through the God-filter first. What I mean by that is does this align with my calling as a child of the King?

My passion in having my blog has always been the relationships I’ve built with brands and fellow bloggers. I have met so many A-MAZING women through this medium. I could list at least 20 women that I consider true friends that I am not sure I would have met without Instagram and my blog. And for that I am truly grateful. What a crazy way to meet friends (it’s almost like Match for ladies)! haha

So, now on to 2020. Y’all, I have so many freaking goals and thoughts for 2020 that it is insane!!! Insane I tell ya!

I’m going to list out just a few of the goals I have for myself this year:

1. Be intentional with my alone time with the Lord.
2. Grow my brand.
3. Leverage my time better so I can do all I want to do this year.
4. Start the book I’ve been wanting to write (as I type that I even scare myself). LOL
5. Attend Haven (a conference for bloggers) and gain knowledge from all the blog pros.
6. Work at being the best wife I can be by being more patient and supporting him in all his hopes and dreams.
7. Lose 50 pounds (yes I said 50)!!!!!!
8. Spend quality time with my kids making memories that last.

Being more intentional with my alone time with the Lord means I need to do a better job at setting Him as the priority and not just the “if I have time” guy.

I want to grow my brand by putting in the work necessary to be successful. To me, this is a make it or break it year. I have been working at building my brand for a couple years but I haven’t set it as a priority. I want to have great material for all of you. To be relevant in your lives.

I have got to do a better job at time management this year. I need to block time for blogging or it won’t get done. Same with my quiet time. I have to schedule it all like it’s an appointment. And hold myself accountable for it all.

OK, now for the biggie! This one is going to be painful for me. And if you are still reading this, you will see what I mean. Many of you know (from my first blog post) that I went through a traumatic event when I was only 14 years old. That event was a turning point in my life. It changed my faith, my outlook…..everything. I started writing as a way to heal but I feel the Lord calling me to write a book about it. So much so, that yesterday, as I was cycling, it hit me like a ton of bricks and I started bawling. Seriously, picture it, me in my room, on my bike, SOBBING!!! I get emotional just typing it. Y’all, I’m not a writer. I don’t have the first clue as to how to even pitch my idea to a publication company. Pray for me on this one please! I want to be faithful, but I feel so inadequate.

As far as Haven goes, I have been dying to go for the past two years but haven’t had the money. And honestly, this is another area where I feel inadequate. I feel like I know nothing and all these other ladies know a ton. But, I am taking a leap of faith and doing it anyway. YEEHAW!!

My desire when it comes to being a good wife is to meet him where he is and love him fully. And, to all of you whom are married, you know this is not always easy. Marriage is straight up hard sometimes. But, I am fully committed to loving him forever and with all I have. I am going to be his biggest cheerleader for life!!

YIKES!!!! 50 pounds!! That seems nuts doesn’t it? In total transparency, I have allowed myself to just quit taking care of me. I have put myself on the backburner for far too long. I’m tired of sitting back and letting everyone else live my life. I have told my husband that the outside of my body doesn’t match the inside. I am adventurous and carefree. I would love to skydive, hike, do difficult things that get me out of my comfort zone. But, I have not done these things out of fear. Not the fear that you think, but the fear of being laughed at or made fun of. Fear of being self-conscious about how I look while doing said events. NOT ANYMORE!!! You hear me? Not anymore!! And I pray the same for you if this is your struggle. Not anymore, we are more than this!

My kids, oh my kids!! People, my kids are my world. I am obsessed with them all. Having a blended family has blessed me with two more amazing kids to love and care for. What an honor! I am so proud of each one of them and I love how they are so different. Makes for fun times! I want to make more of an effort doing things that create memories for us all. This year, we took a carriage ride and looked at Christmas lights. To me, that was a great start! Simple and yet fun, I love it!

Studies show that if you write your goals down you are 42% more likely to achieve them. Well, that is enough of a jump for me. Now, my goals are out there, for you all to see. Maybe yall can help hold me accountable. I would love you all being a part of my goals, actually. It makes them that more more special to me. Thank you all for reading my 2019 reflections and 2020 aspirations. Here’s to 2020, let’s kick butt and take names. Let’s be the people we are called and designed to be. I’m with you through it all.